Friday, 2 October 2009

Not sure where I am right now...


Sorry I haven't written for along time. The past few months have had two different stories - one of which is me beating anxiety and pushing my boundaries and the other is me feeling really low and having no motivation.

Good stories such as driving to different places with my children just to take the dog out to play fetch. The most I drove was around 18 miles to a big town :-) Bloody hell! That felt good at the time.

Walked down two streets in Clifton in Bristol with my friend Lorraine, and actually started my Christmas shopping.

Then the bad parts have been feeling really low and no motivation.

I haven't driven far for about 6 weeks or something. A couple of times when I felt up to fighting my demons of anxiety I drove to my local shop which took about 10 seconds in the car, to mainly buy junk food to make me feel better.

Or the other time I drove to the same shop and bought all healthy food as I was ready to turn my life around and start on a new healthy diet rather than eating crap everyday.

At the minute.. I'm feeling really down. And I know that I have been here before. but the anxiety that's in my head is really scary, and I just wish it would pass..

Will write soon Marie x

9 comments:

rosiero said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I am sure in time you will feel better and able to attempt more. You've just got to believe you can do it... you did before. Remember your trip to Scotland.

ladythinker said...

Sorry to hear how up and down it has been for you- try and focus on remembering the positive days - they will return -I hope you'll soon be on an 'up' again . . .

alice said...

hoping you improve, youve proved to yourself that you can. keep up the tedious day to day chores and im sure you will be where you were before.xxx

Anonymous said...

Marie,

I found your blog a few months ago. It's nice seeing you writing again. I know how you feel about lack of motivation. It's been months since I've driven and I haven't been anywhere in a long time besides my own garden. I also hope this will pass soon so I've been online just now hoping to find some motivation to get out of the house again.

I hope that you commend yourself for every effort you make, no matter how small it seems. In regards to the junk food, I think healthy eating is sometimes over rated. Look at this woman, she's 100 and she hates vegetables: http://www.express.co.uk/videos/v/iLyROoafI2_O/100-year-old-woman-wins-shot-put-gold

Come to think of it, could the lack of motivation you have be from feeling tired? Protein could help you to feel more energetic.



I hope you feel much better soon,



Laura

Gary said...

Hope you don't mind the intrusion - I found you on Roberts blog. My wife suffers from anxiety - mostly fixated on me - so I (sort of) know what you're going through. It seems a key factor is the 'ups and downs' of it all, and you seem to be able to overcome your demons every now and then, so keep up the good work and go with the flow.

Gary

Michelle said...

I could relate to this post so much. All except for driving 18 miles by myself--I haven't done that in many years. Swinging back and forth between junk food and health food...yep. And depression really seems to go with this anxiety. I've had it worse than usual lately. I know the hell it can be, and I hope that mentally, you're in a better place at this point. This stuff sucks.

Phil said...

Hi, I wanted to let you know that there are free telephone support groups for agoraphobia, I go to them and they are really helpful, as you know the hardest thing with agoraphobia is getting help since most therapists don't do home visits. But Social Anxiety Anonymous does provide free telephone conference call support groups for agoraphobia and other social anxiety problems too, their web address is www.healsocialanxiety.com

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