The day I left to stay at my parents
I was packed and ready to go and stay with my parents in Dorset for 5 nights whilst my husband and our two children went to Disneyland in Paris.
I had been anxious about going to stay with my parents for a couple of months now. My husband is my no 1 safe person, I spend most of my time with him.
Staying at my parents house is like staying at a hotel as they have a 7 bedroom house with a large garden, not exactly a agoraphobics heaven cos of the long hallways etc. but with my mum's home cooked meals and being waited on hand and foot that would be a holiday for anyone.
My parents were going to meet me in Taunton, so Robert and the two children and I went in the car to Taunton where we met my parents. On the way to Taunton I started to cry as the anxiety became strong the more I thought about the what ifs, what if I had a panic attack at my parents house, what if I cant cope without Robert, what if I start screaming with panic etc. etc.. so my imagination ran wild and feeling positive was far from how I feeling. I knew that there was nothing I could do in order to change Roberts mind in going away to Disneyland, I didn't ask him not to go as I knew it was for my children. We said our good byes and Robert drove of and left me in my parents company.
We then had to travel to Weymouth in Dorset, It's about an hour and a bit from Taunton, I was quite calm in the car as I knew Robert wasn't leaving on the boat until 4am the next morning so I felt calm, On the way home my dad stopped at a village near Bridport called Pilsdon to show me where my great grandma and Grandad used to live, Its called Pilsdon mannor.
The thing that was making me anxious was about going to bed and knowing at 4am Robert would be on the ferry to France. This was the moment I was not looking forward to.
Come 9:30 I felt so tired I decided to go up to my room and start to read and write in my diary and to settle in for the night. Followed by my hypnotherapy mp3 that I listen to every evening.
Waking every hour to look at my mobile to see what time it was, was getting anxious about how I would feel when I woke up or if I was awak at 4am how would I feel?
Well I woke up and looked at my mobile to find that it was 5am so I knew Robert was on the ferry half way to France, I felt no anxiety about him being so far way which made me rather emotional as I was so scared about being away from him and I was totally fine. I rang Robert up about 9am and he was on the bus from his Disney hotel to go to the disney park with the kids.
I started crying on the phone as Joseph and Orla was really excited and I was not there to share that with them, And then Robert started to cry to so we said our goodbyes quick.. aww
One of the days whilst I was away My friend Claire took me out in her car we drove to the New forrest which is about 46 miles so it took just over an hour or so.. we went for lunch in a pub garden it was lush. whilst driving there we had to stop for a few ponys along the road.
here are some photo's from our day at the new forrest in Dorset.
The last photo of me with the Linden method book I was reading it whilst we were out and about
I take that book most places now I find it helps to read it when I feel anxious.
After the New forrest we drove around Bournmouth then to Sand banks in Poole the 2nd most exspensive place to buy a house in England here is a House I liked so thought id take a photo to show you.. This will be my next house hahaha yer I wish
After we went to poole park to feed the swans and ducks, then we drove home to have a Indian take away yummy.. I had a great day out. I really enjoyed my time away with my family members and my friend I was out everyday and I felt bloody fantastic.. It could not have been a better week. all that stressing and being anxious for weeks before and I was tottaly fine.
Graham came home with kids with lots of hugs and kisses and gifts for me, I think they missed me a bit as they said it about 50 times haha aww bless, and I missed them loads too. They had a fantastic time away but will let Robert fill you in about that on his blog.
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Come 9:30 I felt so tired I decided to go up to my room and start to read and write in my diary and to settle in for the night. Followed by my hypnotherapy mp3 that I listen to every evening.
Waking every hour to look at my mobile to see what time it was, was getting anxious about how I would feel when I woke up or if I was awak at 4am how would I feel?
Well I woke up and looked at my mobile to find that it was 5am so I knew Robert was on the ferry half way to France, I felt no anxiety about him being so far way which made me rather emotional as I was so scared about being away from him and I was totally fine. I rang Robert up about 9am and he was on the bus from his Disney hotel to go to the disney park with the kids.
I started crying on the phone as Joseph and Orla was really excited and I was not there to share that with them, And then Robert started to cry to so we said our goodbyes quick.. aww
One of the days whilst I was away My friend Claire took me out in her car we drove to the New forrest which is about 46 miles so it took just over an hour or so.. we went for lunch in a pub garden it was lush. whilst driving there we had to stop for a few ponys along the road.
here are some photo's from our day at the new forrest in Dorset.
The last photo of me with the Linden method book I was reading it whilst we were out and about
I take that book most places now I find it helps to read it when I feel anxious.
After the New forrest we drove around Bournmouth then to Sand banks in Poole the 2nd most exspensive place to buy a house in England here is a House I liked so thought id take a photo to show you.. This will be my next house hahaha yer I wish
After we went to poole park to feed the swans and ducks, then we drove home to have a Indian take away yummy.. I had a great day out. I really enjoyed my time away with my family members and my friend I was out everyday and I felt bloody fantastic.. It could not have been a better week. all that stressing and being anxious for weeks before and I was tottaly fine.
Graham came home with kids with lots of hugs and kisses and gifts for me, I think they missed me a bit as they said it about 50 times haha aww bless, and I missed them loads too. They had a fantastic time away but will let Robert fill you in about that on his blog.
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5 comments:
I'm glad you seem to be doing great. I'm also happy to see you are back to reading the linden method.
I'm only halfway through it but it seems to be working for me. What are your thoughts about the book?
Hi Marie. What an interesting post. I thought you described your anticipatory anxiety about Robert leaving really well. And FWIW it sounds like you handled the five days marvellously. Wow, you even had lunch in a pub garden (that pretty impressive I think),
I enjoyed your pics too, especially that one of Pilsdon Manor. Gorgeous. We've got nothing like that where I live, everything here is boring 20th century.
Hi! It's so refreshing to meet a fellow agoraphobic! I was born in 1978 too and have two kids as well (born in 2003 and 2005) and have suffered with Panic Disorder since I was 21 and it over the years morphed in to full blown agoraphobia two years ago. I wish you nothing but the best as I know how hard it makes life. I'll be checking in with you and your blog always! All the best, Alex
Hey Marie
Good to see you had such a good time, I wouldnt have been that calm on a long car journey but you obviously handled it really well.
Some Pub gardens give a lot of glory than just a pub.Exeter Arms from Rutland has a dazzling view of lush village, lake & horizon from terrace. With very energetic & fun interiors, it’s favorite among sport guys. White Horse from Norfolk flaunts terrace view of birds & sea-bird colony at Scolt Head Island. Plough Inn from Derbyshire located on curves of the perennial river is so soothing and mind-boggling. Craven Arms from Yorkshire is not only historical also picturesque terrace views of the curvy hills, dry-stone walls and all-round loveliness.
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