Thursday, 15 January 2009

Hi, I'm Marie



Hi, I'm Marie.
I am 30 and I suffer from agoraphobia.. Hmm great I already gave myself a label. Some people maybe thinking oh god another anxiety freak!! she should just understand, it's all in her head and stop trying to get attention bla bla bla..

Well for one I do know it's all in my head, and sometimes I do feel like a total freak But a couple of questions that id like to know is.. how do I start thinking I am in control of my life, to tell those fearful thoughts to FUCKOFF!! quite a few of my therapists have said they are only thoughts! Yes they are but they control me, well I guess I let them as I don't want to find out if I can suffer any more anxiety and fear than I already do, I should just ignore them and Run..

I do run but from the fear not through it!!

OK lets try and make me start sounding like someone with a life hey :-)
I am married, to a man that I love so much it hurts, I really didn't think Id ever feel the way I do about him.. He is called Robert. Plus I never thought anyone could love me the way he does either,
I have been with him 9 years this coming march. And married 3 years this April 29th
We have 2 children together Joseph aged 7 and Orla aged 3.
Robert also has 5 other children from past relationships and also grandchildren, I must admit having been 21 and going out with a man about twice my age with 5 children and grandchildren was hard to deal with, plus I know it was extremely hard for his children to have their Dad to be dating someone half his age plus the fact she was agoraphobic. But after 9years his children /Grandchildren feel like family to me and I can truly say I love them to bits.

Before I met Robert I lived with my parents.. I also have two sisters Kim and Karen
They now have children.. both little boys which makes me an auntie. Yey :-)
The other people that are special to me are my Auntie Joan and Uncle Ray, they have got to be the best auntie and uncle in the world!! then there's My best friend Claire, we have been friends since I was 11 so we have shared a lot. I wouldn't swop her for anything.

And last of all my new friend Lynn that I have been friends for about 2 years now, She also suffers from agoraphobia she lives in Scotland so we live miles apart as I
live down south. We met through the internet randomly she had written a letter
about herself living with agoraphobia... so I replied!!
Probably the best email or letter I have ever written as it got me a friend that I never thought id get, she has been like an angel since.. and I love her to bits xx

10 comments:

Lynn said...

Awwwwwwww youll make me cry lol. Thank you for the kind words and I love your first post. Keep up the good work and swth

Nechtan said...

Hi Marie,

Great to see you have started your own blog. I think you will find it very therapeutic to get all your agnst out- I know I do.

I wish you all the best with this and will keep looking in.

All the best

Nechtan

Robert said...

Just posted a link from your blog to mine, dear. Don't forget to say "Thank you"!

Coachdad said...

Great first post... we all things in our head that we can't control. Some of us don't have names for it, though. Welcome to blogging.

Coffeecup said...

Hi Marie, so pleased you've started your own blog. It's certain to cause a sensation and help a lot of people understand what life with 'this label' is really like.

I know what you mean about those unwanted thoughts! If only they would just FO! I'm trying hard to accept that they're just gonna pop in there and somehow learn to accept that they're not going away, and that's just me. How to stick with them and not run is another matter tho!

Stay happy sweet girl! With a warm heart, Steph xx

Angel said...

Lynn you are an Angel hun. I know that we can both get through this anxiety tunnel and have better lifes x we want to both write the post when we both go away for a weekend to paris lol.. it will come :-)

Nechtan
Thanks for your comments and I hope you like reading my blog :-)

To my darling husband Robert ;-)
Thankyou so much for adding my blog to your blog page.. I hope you stop by now and then!! lol

love u lots Marie xx

Coachdad

Thanks for stopping at my blog.. and to write a nice comment :-)
I will start to read your blog. I had a look today. Your kids look sweet hearts.
You live somewhere I want to visit, so I hope one day I can write a post about my holiday there.. maybe a while yet ;-)

Coffeecup

Thanks for coming by hun, Its nice to see you here :-)
You are really sweet xx

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Hi Marie,
Congratulations on starting your Blog!
I have found mine so helpful in being able to write about my own problems, anxieties and life experiences... apart from the fact that I have managed to "meet" some wonderful new blogger friends!
All the very best!
Donnie

Raven said...

I came over from your husband's blog. I'm agoraphobic also and have been for most of my life, probably, but it became debilitating when I reached my 40s and a series of really bad things happened in my life. My agoraphobia is hard to explain to anyone else because it makes no sense to me. I left some links at your husband's blog for one thing that did help me some. It's a process called EMDR. It didn't solve my problems, but it did have a dramatic impact on one level of paralyzing terror I felt being outside... and it happened almost instantly.

Nice to meet you. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and friends and that is a profound gift for anyone, but especially folks like us for whom the world is difficult to navigate.

Caz said...

Hi Marie,

I found your blog through Robert and Lynn's blogs. I think I also may know you vaguely from NMP.

My name's Caz, I'm 28 and live in South England. I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 16, but they have gotten really bad since last summer. I've moved back in with my parents for now while I try and get better.

Anyway, it's nice to meet you :)

I keep a blog too but it's locked to friends - I'm happy to add you though if you'd like. It's mainly locked to keep it away from my ex :)

Take care,

Caz

beingme said...

hi came across ur page whilst browsing ! im new to this bloggin malarky lol anyway i suffer from anxiety agorophobia 2! :( just wanted 2 say hi x