Thursday, 22 January 2009

My magic bag and OCD

It all started when my sister Kim gave me a new school bag as a present. It was a bright yellow Benetton duffle bag. I was very pleased as they were the rage at the time.

I put all my school books etc. into the bag ready for school the next day. This was probably the first time I had ever been organised for school with my bag packed. Having a new school bag even made me set my alarm clock 2 hours earlier than normal. Which was totally not me, as I normally jumped out of bed about 20 minutes before I had to leave to catch the school bus.

My alarm clock was very annoying and very loud. My parents had bought me it one Christmas, thinking it may be the the answer to me getting up for school on time. Boom Boom, get up! it shouts. Then, if you don't turn the alarm off, it gets even louder. BOOM BOOM time to get up!! You can see how annoying this is. But it didn't make the slightest difference in me getting out of bed.

This particular morning I did get up early. I had an extra two hours to get ready so I could look my best with my new bag. Maybe I should have bought a new bag everyday (lol). I had breakfast, a bath, did my hair and did my make-up. Looking good!! ;-)

I was so impressed that I was ready in time. I put my coat on and went out the front door to wait for my friend Leanne. I started to play hop scotch on the front path outside my door. Not exactly the coolest thing to be seen doing when you are 14. I got bored of hopscotch after 10 minutes. I decided to try and walk to Leanne's house by myself to surprise her that I was ready on time. I didn't tell my mum that I was going to try and walk there on my own. So I just shouted through the letter box goodbye. I put my bag on my shoulder and started to walk across the road and down the lane. I was totally fine. There was no feeling of fear or anything. I got to Leanne's house and rang the door bell. She came out with a very surprised smile and then we walked to the bus stop together.

After that day I started to notice that if I had this big bag on my shoulder I could walk on my own. I didn't feel light. I felt confident and in control. If I tried walking on my own without this bag I just felt all funny again. A smaller bag was no good. This made no sense to me at all and still doesn't now.

It felt great that I could walk on my own again to and from the bus stop. I have never been able to walk out my house without a big bag or a oversized handbag since. Plus it has to be a certain weight. This doesen't really bother me. As it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Until the day comes where I want to go swimming, I can't see it being a problem. It will have to change then as I would look rather odd in the pool with a handbag!


rosiero said...

It doesn't matter what the prop is (or how ridiculous to other people). The main thing is that it works for you and you feel confident about it. If you can find the equivalent prop to help you with your phobias today, you could start the first steps to your cure! My prop used to be extra-strong mints!

Lynn said...

Lol Rodiero i was addicted to those. I still would be but im not allowed to eat strong mints with my homeopathic meds. I miss my mints :( x

diver said...

Hi Marie, that's an interesting compulsion to be sure; and a great illustration of how we condition ourselves into certain habits during our adolescence.

My 19yo daughter is severely OCD. She has convinced herself (for example) that unless she turns her bedroom light on and off eight consecutive times in a particular rhythmic pattern each night, that her mother will die in her sleep during the night. She has lots of obsessions and compulsions like that :(

Do you have any obsessive thoughts attached to your bag compulsion or is it just a harmless personal 'superstition' sort-of thing?